All I Want For Christmas Is A Gift Receipt

Everybody stops and stares at me
These clothes I’m wearing are strange as you can see
And I know just who to blame for this catastrophe!
But my one wish on Christmas Eve is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas is a gift receipt,
a gift receipt, please, a gift receipt!
Buy me anything, just get a gift receipt, then I could
have a "Merry Christmas."

It seems like every gift I get
Is so awful that I want to burn it
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
if I could only return it

All I want for Christmas is a gift receipt,
a gift receipt, please, a gift receipt!
Buy me anything just get a gift receipt, then I could
have a "Merry Christmas."

Ok, look—I don’t want anything that was purchased off QVC
or the Home Shopping Network or some infomercial you saw at 3am.
I don’t want anything endorsed by someone who used to be famous.
Please, no exercise equipment—“Merry Christmas, you’re fat!” I know.
I don’t want anything hand-made, hand-baked, hand-knit or hand-decoupaged.
I don’t want something I have to wear the next time I see you or something I have to display in my home next time you come over.
And don’t you dare make a contribution in my name!
And if you try to re-gift something, I’ll know.

It seems like every gift I get
Is some horrible kind of misfit
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
If it wasn’t a piece of sh—ee-wiz
All I want for Christmas is a gift receipt,
a gift receipt, please, a gift receipt!
Buy me anything, just get a gift receipt,
then I could have a "Merry Christmas."
Christmas, oh. Well, there’s always my birthday.

Parody of All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth by Don Gardner
Parody lyrics by Joel Kopischke © 2005

Vocals: Joel Kopischke
Drums: Del Bennett
Bass: Chris Kringel
Guitar: Mike DeRose
Accordion: Tom Kanack
Sax & Flute: John Hibler
Additional percussion: Larry Moore and/or John Tanner